My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
