no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
