I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
