margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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