ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
