I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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