My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
