fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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