Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
