But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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