I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
