It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
