do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
