hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
