i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
