apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
