Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
