Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
