In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
