He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
