just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
