hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
two words: eviction party
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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