I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
