She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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