Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
