Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need to calm my uterus...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
