Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
