when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
