Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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