I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
