Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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