Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
