dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
