Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize