is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
