whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
