Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
