My liver just broke up with me...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
