Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
