ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
