So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
