hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
