so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
