I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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