why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
