You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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