Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
