I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
