i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
