Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
