doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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