i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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