I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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