if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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