This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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