you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
