The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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