they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
