The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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