The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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