I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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