She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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