People with herpes should wear stickers.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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