You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
