question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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