Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
