if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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