ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
