The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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