Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
