You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
