My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize