well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize