I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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