Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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