laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
