I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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