Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry my hands just texted you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
