3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
