How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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