oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
