I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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