I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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